My name is Sinann,
I’m 24, engaged with 2 little boys, a little angel girl and a beautiful house that we call our home but life wasn’t always this happy.
I’ve had more ‘downs’ than ups but I’ve gotten through them with the people I have around me. I’m writing today to share a little about me and the journey I’ve been on.
I feel like most people look at me and think, ‘She has it all, she’s got everything she wants in life’ but when they get to know me they understand that’s not the case. From the age of 15-17 that’s when I saw life differently. I did everything most teenagers do, no one could tell me I was doing wrong I would have argued I was right. I fell pregnant with my first son shortly after turning 17. I lost those I called friends and things started going downhill. I did everything I could to defend myself while preparing for my unborn son with help from my family.
A month later, I turned 18 then boom, again I didn’t like people telling me what to do. So I left my family home depending on no one, only myself.
Things were going great, then one day I got a call to the door. Someone was trying to ruin my life and my sons too – so this made me go from 0-100 in a blink of an eye. Again, I had people trying to tell me what to do and what not to do with my son. In my eyes, I was his mummy if anyone has a say about him it’s me.
Months went by and I moved in with a friend. It was then I got a call from MACS, I was having my own worker to help support me. Things were going super well. I finally had my life where I wanted it and everyone couldn’t be prouder of me. I moved back closer to home and my support continued but during this time I fell back down, mixing with the wrong group of so called friends. Then I found out I was pregnant and everything was going well but it didn’t end there. I went into early labour at 19 weeks and delivered the most tinniest beautiful little girl I have ever set eyes on. I was feeling lost, so alone and all I wanted was to turn back time to make things ok. Soon enough I was back in the gutter. Months passed and slowly my world was falling apart.
So, slowly I got picking myself back up. My support with MACS had ended so I continued to set myself goals. Soon enough I was engaged to someone that was always there making sure kept I myself up and I made the choice to leave the past behind me and start a new life for my own little family.
Sadly our world was turned upside down on Mother’s Day 2017. I started to loose our little surprise baby. I started to slip away asking myself why every time things are going good I get so many setbacks. I was referred back to MACS and got another amazing worker who got me right back to the person I was! Then on Valentine’s Day 2018 I found out I was pregnant. My worker had left her post but I had my family to help me when needed. So then one day I got the amazing call that my worker came back to her job and then my support started just at the right time. I had someone I could count on again and soon enough I had my rainbow baby in my arms. But stuck in an upstairs 2 bed apartment feeling like I wasn’t getting nowhere and the space was running out.
Finally, we got offered the place we now call home thanks to my amazing worker that done everything and more to get us out of where we were and somewhere more suitable for my little family.
Life was going amazing and then a week before Christmas I got a phone call to be at my mums – I just knew something wasn’t right and again on the other end of the phone was my MACS worker. She sat and listened and no matter when I needed to talk, she was there for me.
Weeks went by and the news about my mummy was just getting worse but during everything bad going on I still had that faith in getting myself on the road driving for my little family and for the many plans we had. In February, I finally passed my theory test, by the one mark. I was always failing and getting set back so you can guess I couldn’t wait to tell people. The first person I called on my way to my mums wasn’t my partner or other family it was of course my MACS worker!
Little did I know the joy I had that day was soon to be ended while I was just about to head back to my own home my world fell down around me the one person that was always there for me grew her angel wings in front of me – my beautiful happy cheerful mummy.
I wanted the ground to open up and eat me. While I had my amazing family and partner and all my in-laws by my side, my worker still continued to check in with me and make sure I was doing ok.
Then boom everyone was hit with the lockdown I couldn’t see my family, I couldn’t see my friends I was stuck in the house with 101 thoughts in my mind.
Weeks have passed and I have picked myself up for my little family with the amazing help of my worker still checking in on me to see how I’m getting on. This is just a part of my story and my life that not everyone out there knows about. This isn’t for ‘ah look she’s been through so much’ or for fake people to try and be there when they have never been before. But one thing over the years I have suffered with my own mental health and getting it when it doesn’t give me setbacks.
In my family, the one thing I was always told over the years was never give up and as much there have been times I could have never once give up on what I have always wanted for my own little family. I might not have the main things I want in my life but I have everything to make us continue to be happy. I have two healthy little boys, an amazing partner that always sees the best in me, the strongest family members and a house we continue to make a home.
So girls and guys when life throws you set backs and you think you’ve nowhere to turn always remember to set yourself goals. You won’t reach them right away but if you keep the mindset of never give up you will reach each and every goal in life.
If it wasn’t for the amazing people I have had around me and of course the amazing support worker by my side through each and every set back I would be stuck.
No matter how dark and long the tunnel it is always brighter at the end.
~ Sinann, May 2020
#Timetotalk #MentalHealth #WellBeing #Mentoring #InspirationalYoungPerson